It's you, not me.

My feelings are really hurt. The following person I'm about to talk about isn't on any type of social media account so they are not going to read this. This isn't any type of jab at them. They are a previous Intended Parent. No, I am not going to come running here every time someone hurts my feelings. They have a right to their own feelings and I have right to mine.

They finally gave me an update on my surrogate babe. It was wonderful to get a picture and an update on them. I get two updates a year, which I am thankful for, but want more and they are not ready for more contact. Yes, me feelings are hurt by this. Since they are not on any social media I don't have access to anything from them except what they give me. That's really hard. The constant false promises of seeing this family I worked with, help create and having them about 2hrs away is incredibly hard.

The two Mothers I worked with are the two families I've been hurt by the most. Again, this isn't an attack on all intended Mothers, this is just MY experience for me personally. Also, again, actually, both sets are not on social media so none of them are going to see this. This isn't any a dig or jab. This is my personal experience.

They wanted an update on me. Wanted to know what life had been thrown at me. Job change for me/we just bought our first home/an intended parent passing away/possible hubby new job/me no job after all..... was a lot to write about. But they asked, so I told. I gather from their lack of response, outside of a text, "Oh gosh so much has happened, congrats on the house, sorry to hear about everything" was all I got back.

Lesson learned.

Every time I talk to this person, they are so nice through text. That's all I get. I get a text picture and a text update and that's it. They live so close to me too. They write things like, "I can't wait to see you again and We will get together soon and Can't wait for you to meet "the surrogate child" again." On and on and on.... It's obvious that SHE isn't ready to see me, to have a relationship with me and my family. It's hurtful. My feelings are incredibly hurt. I was obviously a means to an end and you really didn't want contact like you said you did. Your heart was not ready.

It would also be easier if I had no contact. No teasing that way. With all they shit I am going through right now, stuff I haven't even mentioned yet, my heart is all full up on hurting. It's hard not to be angry.

Thanks for absolutely nothing and making me finally realize it's not me, it's you.